Its official...ive declared myself mentally unstable. and the story begins..
Becuz im so broke.. i have no money for anything...included my addictions...ms.mary jane and mr. nicotine the newport..lmao. I can survive..i shouldnt say survive...makes it seem like i might kill myself..nah phew...aint that serrs. I'm ok w/o mary; i do just fine. But w/o mr.nicotine....boy boy...my minds just seems to stay stuck on the fact that he's no where around the wholllllllllllle day. And there are certains times when a cigarette tastes the best...
1. after a j
2. after a meal
3. after sex
4. wen your anxious
5. wen your stressed
and these are the times when 'I wish I had a cigarette' runs through my mind more then often. One of those times is actually rite now..i just ate...and am very bored...and have no ports...so i blogged about it. lol. No need to worry, I wont steal from anyone to buy a pack or harm myself...but I do find that I go thru these slight withdrawals. They dont involve any throwing up or sweatin..just a slight attitude, a little nail biting, and i seem to be a little more anxious too...i think because my nerves are so bad that a cigarette seems to help a little bit.
Sometimes tho, I find that I didn't want the cigarette at all when i actually do get it. I'll pack(verb) the pack(noun) (that thing that smokers do when they hit the pack up against their hand...yea thats call packing...a little smoking terminology for ya lmao), flip my wish cigarette(a little more knowledge for ya...I flip the first one I touch upside down and that is the last cigarette I smoke. When I do smoke it..i wish..cuz its lucky), and then just hold the cigarette in between my fingers like I'm goin to smoke it but never do. I never notice it, but somebody always asks
me "you gon smoke that cigarette anytime soon?" I've come to realize that these cigarettes have an influence on my mental. I mean, i knew they did because if i didnt have any then I would go get some more, proving my addiction...a mental retardation..maybe retardation's a bit much...ummmmm..mental hinder maybe? i mean my mind is hindered aint it? But i found out that my mind just needs to have the satisfaction of knowing that a cigarette is in close proximity when i DO happen to want it...aint that crazy??
And as I sit here behind this desk, I kinda sorta feel a little sorry for myself..my mind actually..because it suffers from this self-inflicted unstability but blogging about is actually making it easier...cuz i can just ramble on and on about cigarettes...hmmm...blog intervention maybe? lol
Becuz im so broke.. i have no money for anything...included my addictions...ms.mary jane and mr. nicotine the newport..lmao. I can survive..i shouldnt say survive...makes it seem like i might kill myself..nah phew...aint that serrs. I'm ok w/o mary; i do just fine. But w/o mr.nicotine....boy boy...my minds just seems to stay stuck on the fact that he's no where around the wholllllllllllle day. And there are certains times when a cigarette tastes the best...
1. after a j
2. after a meal
3. after sex
4. wen your anxious
5. wen your stressed
and these are the times when 'I wish I had a cigarette' runs through my mind more then often. One of those times is actually rite now..i just ate...and am very bored...and have no ports...so i blogged about it. lol. No need to worry, I wont steal from anyone to buy a pack or harm myself...but I do find that I go thru these slight withdrawals. They dont involve any throwing up or sweatin..just a slight attitude, a little nail biting, and i seem to be a little more anxious too...i think because my nerves are so bad that a cigarette seems to help a little bit.
Sometimes tho, I find that I didn't want the cigarette at all when i actually do get it. I'll pack(verb) the pack(noun) (that thing that smokers do when they hit the pack up against their hand...yea thats call packing...a little smoking terminology for ya lmao), flip my wish cigarette(a little more knowledge for ya...I flip the first one I touch upside down and that is the last cigarette I smoke. When I do smoke it..i wish..cuz its lucky), and then just hold the cigarette in between my fingers like I'm goin to smoke it but never do. I never notice it, but somebody always asks
me "you gon smoke that cigarette anytime soon?" I've come to realize that these cigarettes have an influence on my mental. I mean, i knew they did because if i didnt have any then I would go get some more, proving my addiction...a mental retardation..maybe retardation's a bit much...ummmmm..mental hinder maybe? i mean my mind is hindered aint it? But i found out that my mind just needs to have the satisfaction of knowing that a cigarette is in close proximity when i DO happen to want it...aint that crazy??And as I sit here behind this desk, I kinda sorta feel a little sorry for myself..my mind actually..because it suffers from this self-inflicted unstability but blogging about is actually making it easier...cuz i can just ramble on and on about cigarettes...hmmm...blog intervention maybe? lol
intervention is a must!?!!
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